Writer in Motion- Critique Partner Draft


 

     I didn’t mean to start the fire. It’s not my fault. Nobody told me I could shoot sparks from my hands. I was just trying to make fire hands by lighting hand sanitizer on fire. It was supposed to be a simple and easy sixth grade science fair project. Instead, I couldn’t light the stupid hand sanitizer and the judges were just staring at me and, well, I got a bit frustrated. Without even trying, my hands caught on fire. I screamed and waved them around trying to put the fire out, but when I did, the flames started flying everywhere and soon enough, poor Lisa’s Climate Change poster board was up in flames. Ironic, I know. The whole auditorium erupted in screams and the sprinklers turned on soaking everyone and everything. Luckily, it put out my hands too.

     And now here I am, sitting in the office for starting a fire and destroying the science fair. I stare at my hands. No burns. No scars. Just some sticky hand sanitizer. 

     “Violet Evans. The principal will see you now,” the grouchy receptionist calls with her scratchy voice. She pushes up her extra large glasses which, when combined with her tiny scrunched nose and wide mouth, made her look like a toad. I stand up slowly and exhale. My feet somehow take me in Mrs. Loki’s office.

    Before I can even sit down, Toad Lady pokes her head in. “Excuse me, Mrs. Loki. The fire chief is here to see you.”

     Mrs. Loki nods. A plump man with a big mustache stomps into the room.

     “I’m Fire Chief Jordan. I need to inform you that there’s a large fire about two miles up the hill. We haven’t been able to contain it. You need to evacuate the school.”

     Mrs. Loki’s face goes white, and so does mine. “Oh my. Yes, right away.” She looks at me. “We will have to continue this conversation another time.”

     We are hustled out of the room and I catch a glance at the window. Yup, black smoke is billowing out of the forest. Then something catches my eye. A man. Surrounded by smoke. His face is hidden below a hood while gray smoke circles around it. My stomach twists. Who is that? He is freaking me out.

     Toad Lady makes an announcement over the PA. “We have been asked to evacuate the building. Please do so in an orderly fashion.”

     I look again and Smoke Man isn’t there. Students file through the halls while teachers motion silently for them to follow. The fire alarm starts to sound echoing through the halls and I jump. I push my way through students and outside.

     School buses are waiting outside to take us to safety, but students aren’t getting on fast enough. The fire is getting closer. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt but the smoke stings my eyes. I run to jump on a bus but I stumble and fall. Pain shoots through my knees and palms. Students are running all around me, but no one bothers to help me up. Typical middle schoolers.

     Then a hand reaches out. I gratefully grab it and when I look up, I am face-to-smoke with Smoke Man. A scream escapes my lips and I stumble backwards. He grabs my wrist and pulls me at the speed of light behind the bleachers.

     “Let go of me! What do you want!” I scream, fighting his grip. He lets go and motions towards the fire.

     Smoke Man comes closer, smoke still surrounding his face. I’m not even sure he has one. “You must stop the fire,” he says in a raspy voice.

      “Me?”

     “You are the only one who can do it,” he says.

     I have no idea what he means. I’m just an ordinary twelve year old. Except….the sparks.

     He nods. “You can control it.”

     I think about this for a second. Can I? I only just started noticing the sparks an hour ago. But then again, maybe I have been able to do this all along. Maybe all those times the fireplace suddenly sparked. Or….I know what I have to do.

     My feet carry me as fast as they can go toward the woods. Towards the fire. This is crazy. No way is this going to work. But I have to try.

     When I get to the fire engines a fireman reaches out to grab me, but I twist my body away from his grasp. 

     “Come back here kid!” a fireman yells, but I don’t care. At this point, I just need to get close to the fire.

     The smoke is too much, but Smoke Man suddenly appears beside me and the air becomes clear. I nod. When the heat from the flames becomes too much I stop.

      Will this work? I have to try.

     I reach my arms up high. My fingers spread. I gasp a deep breath of air and yell, “STOP!” For a second, it seems like the flames waver, but they continue on.

     I try again, “STOP!” But no dice. The flames are even closer. I keep trying but it’s not working. And then, I am surrounded by fire. This is probably what it felt like to be a witch on the stake burning. My whole body erupts in pain. I can’t think. I can’t…

     But my body cools and tingles. My hands seem to be holding onto something. Fire. But I’m controlling it. I wave my arms around my head and the fire moves with me. All my strength goes to controlling the flames. Slowly the fire gets weaker. My body feels like it's glowing and powerful. I swallow up the flames, suck them in until they are no more.

     When I open my eyes, I’m on the ground, surrounded by burnt trees. A fireman rushes up to me and carries me in his arms to safety. All I know is that the fire is out. I saved the school. And Smoke Man was right-I have the crazy power to control fire.

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